Launching a rocket ship underwater

aka public personas

I’m pretty cool with practicing authenticity. Those of you who have encountered me both online and in person know that there’s not much of a distinction between the two. I am who I am who I am - no matter where I am. This is one of my central pillars and a core value that I refine constantly with myself. And I’ve worked bloody hard on it my whole adult life.

And yet I’ve noticed some sneaky subversive activity!

Both in my personal world AND my business world.

I’ve been unearthing a few shadow systems running behind the scenes of my subconscious.

If I want xyz, then I need to be and feel more *joy*
If I want to do xyz, then I need to create more *play*

All of these seem like positive intentions from the outside, especially from the lens of manifestation practices…

BUT.

What is the energy behind these invitations?
For me… it’s been hustle.

If I want to do/be/step into ‘that’, it’s not ok for me to be where I am.

I need to be different, and if I can’t be different right now, then I’ll put all those things I want to do on hold until I’m a brighter clearer and cleaner version of myself.

Shitty Purity Spiritualism takes the cake once again ;)

One of the ones I’ve been unearthing some unhelpful constructs around is ‘launching’ my offerings + events with my community.

I know quite a few of you beauties in here are creative powerhouses sharing your own work with the world so I want to speak on this for a moment.

I’ve discovered that when I decide to ‘launch’ an event to you all on social media, that I think the energy behind it should be a literal ROCKET LAUNCH.
That I need to BOOM land on your screen with gusto and passion and excitement and joy and vibrance so that you feel lit up like a firework when I speak to you.

Which is cool… but ummm definitely not real life most of the time for me.

It is beautiful to be lit up like a firework… but sometimes I’m feeling tender and raw, as I’m sure you are too… and a firework rocket launch feels bloody jarring and INAUTHENTIC to pull off. It would blow my nervous system fuse right off the charts.

So what to do?
Wait until the rawness has healed over and bright bubbly Allyce comes back in? Delay the pulse of the event that is asking to be shared? Say ‘no not right now, I know you want to serve and gather and create, but you’re only allowed out into the sun when you’re shiny ok?’

That’s apparently what I’ve been doing.

I’m so honest and open when I’m running an event, holding space in my 1:1’s, meeting people in person, but apparently I’ve created a whole fricking subconscious persona for my launches!

So as soon as I noticed that, I challenged it.

I tapped into the energy of the event I wanted to share and discovered that everything I truly felt in myself in that moment was right on par with the essence of the event itself. Everything that I was leaning on in my own life, was also the foundation of the event I was putting out to the world.
So in short - the event I wanted to share was the medicine for my current feels. I was right on track with my creation and my community.

Why would I ask myself to change into a rocket ship when that wasn’t even the energy behind the offering I was sharing?

One of my tightropes I walk is that I can lean too far into another’s experience. I am an excellent shape shifter and can be incredibly malleable. This is how I can hear and feel my client’s voices. This is how I can use my voice in so many varied nuanced ways.
It’s also how I burn myself out and appear ‘bright’ to the world, but an empty shell to myself.
My lifetime’s work is to stay in my own lane and use my empathy in a way that truly nourishes me rather than depletes me.

So my invitation to you all today is this.

Where in your life have you decided that you have to show up in a particular way in order to be heard and received?

What way do you think you have to show up as? Is it loudly? Quietly? Clearly? Serious? Smiley? Jokingly?

Where are you hauling your ass to *become* a version of yourself that you think will take you across the line to others?

Hit reply and let me know!

Big Love,
Allyce x